Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
