I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
