i already hear my dad disowning me
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
