its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize