Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
