cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
