the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
