Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
