just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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