i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
