so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
