i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
