I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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