My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
