I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
