BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
