i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
