Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
