i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
