I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
