So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
