I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
