Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
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