I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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