dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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