drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Randomize
