I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize