so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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