Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
