eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
