omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
