cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Enjoy the penises
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
