We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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