it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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