1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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