Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
