She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
