were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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