If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
