I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
