You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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