Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm too high and old for this...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
