U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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