Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
