hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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