Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
this will be a night to untag.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
