No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize