Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
