so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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