well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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