We're facebook friends in real life
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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