I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize