I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i need some magic done to my vagina
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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