Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
