a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize