The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We had sex on a dog bed..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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