My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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