just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
