She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Houston, we have a squirter
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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