How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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