I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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