Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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