OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
