I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
