your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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