Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
