Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
