I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
