Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
