to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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