4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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