So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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