Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
