just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
