I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
