please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
