Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize