i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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