4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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