do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
