afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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