We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
