Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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