Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
