So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
