His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
