I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
