i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
