The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she smelled like a LAN party
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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