I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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