Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
